The Hope to Live Happy, Joyous, and Free is for ACOA and Codependents, too.
A substantial multi-faceted assistance resource and practical tool for ACOA Adult Children of Alcoholics and other Codependents to live happy, joyous, and free. As a Life Coach with some of my specializations in empowering and equipping folks to break free from their Alcohol Addiction as well as, a la Al-Anon, keeping the focus on improving their own lives, health, and boundaries, many people whose lives have been affected by a spouse, wife, husband, life-partner or parent with Drug and/or Alcohol Addictions. No longer are the pioneering AA, Al-Anon, and NA purporting quite so much that they are the be all and end all of helping people in the Substance Addiction arena. Now, thankfully, it is fairly mainstream to “seek outside help.” Because as a Coach, I focus on the here and going forward life strategies, goals, and tactics, including from a holistic, whole-person perspective, I appreciate and am always on the lookout for practical life helping resources for clients self-education and tools to use at home.
The goal is both to have a life, to re-establish a life, and then, re-energizing it and expanding it from your authentic self, a life in which you flourish.
So, when I first was offered the option to select to receive an advance copy of the Codependency book from the publisher for an honest review, I passed it by, thinking it was going to another pop culture light summary of the topic like what had been all over popular 12 Steps and Codependent books published outside of AA and Al-Anon about 30 years ago.
How wrong I was.
Instead, when I first opened the book to read the introduction, I actually got choked up and teared up, and became worried that this was such a personally touching topic that I would be able to read the book, just like I never go see theatre productions of “A Long Day’s Journey into Night,” because it struck too close to home. As I read her sentences describing growing up in a physically and verbally abusive alcoholic home, it was like she was writing my biography, only I was more one of the “lost” children where the author was a “scapegoat” in the ACOA adaptive roles.
That said, this in only a cursory reading’s review of the book, because I am actually going to have to go through it very slowly because of the emotions it elicits and likely journal.
I have to say after having done years upon years of Al-Anon, which was a wonderful start and foundation, that, I too found just circling around and around talking about it was not enough. I eventually segued to deeper Personal Growth and Development work.
When I went to submit my review, because there was no Kindle version of the book, the Look Inside feature was not yet activated. Here, without robbing Mazzola of her Intellectual Property, is the TOC which you’d be able to see if you were in a physical bookstore and thumbing through this wonderful book to consider purchasing it, which I highly recommend you do:
Introduction
Part One: Codependency: An Education 1
Chapter 1: “I Need You to Need Me” 2
Chapter 2: Family Matters 24
Part Two: The Steps 45
Step 1: Get in Touch with Your “Self” 45
Step 2: Prioritize Self-Care 64
Step 3: Build Boundaries 80
Step 4: Maintain Open Communication 96
Step 5: Nurture Intimacy 114
Conclusion: Following the Path 134
Resources
References
Index
I raced right on over to Build Boundaries in Part Two because, really, in my such a childhood home, we didn’t know how to build boundaries, because even having the right to do so wasn’t there. So, I am always riveted to learn more about doing this better, because, now, years later after much, much growth and personal work, there are always additions layers which surface, not to be paralyzed by them, but where I can always learn more to gently peel away another layer of the onion, and I do choose that metaphor specifically, because when we peel an onion, there may be tears, which is part of the healing process.
In Build Boundaries, Krystal addresses them with What Do You Want, which no one asked us when we were young, so really to answer that question can be a foundational breakthrough for many, or, as in my case, a useful exercise in peeling another layer of that onion.
What Bothers You?
Am I allowed and given permission now to be bothered? Anger was my late father’s monopoly. The rest of us weren’t permitted that emotion. Only he. So, examining this question always reveals MORE for me. Perhaps it will for you or your clients and patients as well.
I like her practical exercise in creating your own boundaries, custom to you and your needs, as well as addressing It’s Ok To Set Boundaries. And while we are imagining and journaling about our new or revised boundaries, Mazzola also suggests some different kinds of boundaries to give us ideas as well as to make sure we consider all facets which our own wounding might make invisible to use when we brainstorm.
Mazzola starts each chapter with a relevant case study which helps to illustrate the issue she addresses and each gives hope for being able to overcome the implications of the past and to do useful and helpful exercises and actions to live a better life going forward. I found the whole to be useful both for going through slowly, in a savoring manner, plus to revisit each of the topics and redo the exercises again in future months and years and discover more to use and benefit from.
What a terrific resource for every LMFT and therapist working with Adult Children of Alcoholics and other Substance Dependencies and their families. This would make a wonderful addition to every therapy office’s reading room as well as those at Recovery Institutes, Rehab Venues (guess what, ACOAs can develop substance issues in teen years, young adult, as well as many years later, too. So reading this helpful book there could prove beneficial and shed light on the core of their problems as well.) and therapy centers and hospitals. This is the kind of present every adult ACOA could give to their siblings where each could do his/her own work, and then reconvene to share notes and learning.
Highly recommend. I received an advance copy for an honest review from Callisto Publishing.